Day 8 – Just your normal average fucking weirdo

 

Right folks – It was day five of feeling shit when i last posted, guess what? currently on day eight, went back to docs Monday, just to reassure myself i aint got no brain tumour or MS – I know I know, your thinking WTF!! trust me i think it about myself. If there is one thing i know about myself, its i am the worlds worst patient “ask pat the twat”. I thought i was picking up, then BOOM shit again and whats worse with a “fucking virus” there aint not magic antibiotics to take, just rest, rest, rest, rest – who wants to rest? NOT me

So all this RESTING aint good for me head. Resting too much just fucks with me noggin which brings back them negative thoughts, (your a failure, your a fraud) which then triggers my feelings, (feeling worse) which then triggers my behaviour (mardy bastard victim) then ultimatly my actions, which in my case have one BIG FAT FUCKING ZERO and the cycle begins AGAIN, but gets worse and more negative

So the past day or two i’ve been thinking “FORDY #haveaFUCKINGword” “lets get things into persepective.

The Book, when i’m low then all my postiveness about, this blog, the book goes straight outta the fucking window (so me just sharing this is an indication i am feeling better) So danielle, dont worry, there’s no need for the white coat men just yet 🙂 I’ve made a list

Since 15th of June I have

  • Ive written over 7000 words already
  • 21, 000 in this journal alone
  • Then theres this blog, there are over 33 article/blogs on there 
  • Connected to new people who can and and have offered to help with book
  • I wrote 3 chapters, thats 3 completely re-written chapters since actually straing 12th July

I have my two year plan –

  • 1st Draft by september 2019
  • 2020 getting it published 
  • 50th Birthday

I have also realised that all this self doubt is normal been reading up on it and i’m not alone there are LOADS of people who question themselves

Myself – I ought to have this FUCKING tattooed on me forehead

#SHITHAPPENS, but its how i deal with it that makes the difference, so i have been busy, as well as drinking shit loads of water and paracetamol, i have been working on re-building my selfesteem. I started re-reading chimp paradox, because that fucking negative chimp on me shoulder has been chatting far too much shit. Been researching Mindfulness and downloaded a book on kindle, need to start doing some more mindful exercises.

Be kind to myself – even whilst i have been off work, feeling shit here i have been giving out “advice” to friends but not taking any of my own!! “whats that all about?” I am one of the most compassionate people i know, i would be there for anyone,  but will put no time to be compassionate towards myself???

Any way i thought i would just touch base, I’m still writing (albeit not as much, but thats ok, because at least i AM writing)

Oh i also have a new addition to my desk, thank you to Sarah Willmott, for my felt plant, named “Willy Nilly” to the right of the plant is my new “writers manifesto” which is there as a reminder and postive reinforcement tool, to visually remind me what I have achieved so far.

 

 

If your having a shit day, please remember and trust me  “it happens to the best of us” 

Lots of love Fordy, thanks for reading x

 

3 Replies to “Day 8 – Just your normal average fucking weirdo”

  1. Loving the ‘tattoo’ and the blog – you’ve achieved so much it’s just a temporary brain blip – enjoy the rest you don’t get that many !

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