What’s the difference between a millennial, snowflake and someone born before the 1980’s?

Heres what I think – FUCK ALL 

Heres Wikipedia’s definition of a snowflake  “characterize the young adults of 2000 as being more prone to taking offense and less resilient than previous generations, or as being too emotionally vulnerable to cope with views that challenge their own.

According to Wikipedia  Millenials are characterised in  as “characteristics vary by region, depending on social and economic conditions, the generation has been generally marked by an increased use and familiarity with communications, media, and digital technologies.”

Now don’t get me wrong personally I think both terms are derogatory they are just another label and society loves a good label, don’t they? 

There is no denying that as a society life is being made a lot easier with technology, take Alexa for example?  its probably nice to shout or bark orders to an inanimate object “Alexa play me Bohemian Rhapsody ” or Alexa “dim the lights” If you want to dim the lights, “what’s wrong in getting up off ya ass and turn fucking knob ya sen!” Its no wonder obesity is on the rise ! I

Or Siri? Ask him anything, he can do most things,  Apple says Siri is an intelligent assistant that offers a faster, easier way to get things done on your Apple devices. “This claims to do this before you ask!” Just another way of prohibiting thinking for yourself or take the Sat Nav, another device that prohibits thinking for yourself 

All of this technology is amazing please don’t get me wrong, but none of this technology cannot replace thinking for yourself, what is concerning is that these subtle messages, marketing messages are all fundamentally about making money! If these “so-called” snowflakes or millennials are communicating more with robots it’s no wonder they find it harder to emotionally cope and they short circuit or god forbid the electric bill hasn’t been paid, then you are monumentally screwed. and I don’t see no increasing technology reducing, addiction, suicides, obesity or mental health rates do you?

Whilst society is moving at a fast pace not everyone in society is benefiting from it! Not one gadget or item of technology can replace human interaction.

You see no-one profits from selling the notion that all the solutions to your problems lay within yourself “I mean who’s going to profit from that!”  Well, some overprice therapist do! But I fundamentally believe that no amount of technology, the big house, the flash car, the latest fashion can ever fix your own emotions and here’s the best bit, “it cost fuck all” 

What does the Millennial, snowflake, and someone born before the 1980’s have in common? 

They are all human!

 

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You cannot educate a Fuckwit, if they dont know they are a Fuckwit!

We are surrounded by Fuckwits

Way, way-way back I wrote about a blog about Fuckwits, I also wrote yesterday about preparing to go to court to support my brother in what has been a very long drawn out, emotional custody battle for the final hearing.

My brother has another two days to wait for the final decision from the courts telling him whether or not he has been successful in being granted custody of his three children. When I say custody, this isn’t full time, the children will still have contact and a relationship with their mother, the only thing that will change is that he will take on more responsibility,  ensuring the kids get to school, where the kids are not exposed to their mother being comatose on the sofa, or the kids stop calling their family when there is a domestic abuse incident taking place with moms boyfriend, the outcome should the final decision go my Brothers way will ultimately mean the kids are less exposed to negativity.


The decision might have been made had the court had my brothers original statement meaning the social worker wouldn’t have had to go back to their offices for the missing document.  But on the positive side, at least it was the same judge overseeing proceedings, the same one who had given his ex-partner, the benefit of the doubt and allowed an additional 3 months to redeem or prove to everyone that she didn’t have a problem with alcohol, that all the allegations whilst were legitimate and founded at the time posed no concern anymore. 

The really sad part of all the process was having to sit and see just how ill she looked, she was emaciated, skin and bone, her face and hands were swollen making her body seem odd and out of place.  The padded shoulders on her suit jacket could not deny the skin and bone on her arms, there was no amount of contouring that could hide her swollen face or the swollen hands that shook uncontrollably whilst she swiped her phone.

45 minutes later the social worker returned with my brother’s original statement. The statement focused purely on the welfare of the kids and his desire for the mother of his children to seek help for herself and get better for the sake of the kids. The social worker handed a copy of the statement to his ex, who read the statement herself then passed it onto her mother.

I sat and watched the mother read the statement, I then watched as her mother who could have easily been her daughter’s body double toss the statement back to her loudly declaring “What’s he mean, get better? There’s nothing wrong with you!” 

I was absolutely incensed, my hands started to shake as I resisted the urge to stand up and scream “are you fucking blind?”. I mean how the fuck can a mother not see how ill their own daughter looks?

But I know why because my brother’s ex had, had a great role model. This is the same women whose husband drove over three miles to bring alcohol to her daughter when my brother had refused. This is the same women who would bring along  a bottle of Lambrini to share on her weekly Friday afternoon visit to see her grandkids, this is the same lady who I called on behalf of her daughter at her daughters request to tell her how her own daughters 1st appointment at the alcohol service had gone, who then still denied that she had a problem with alcohol. So I ask myself “how the fuck does the mother of my nephew and nieces even stand a chance with a mother, whose own mother who herself is in denial or a fuckwit?” 

The Urban Dictionaries definition of a Fuckwit is  “a person who is not only lacking in clue but is apparently unable or unwilling to acquire a clue even when handed it on a plate in generous portions.” Now if seeing her own daughter physically and emotionally deteriorate over the past few years, then the only thing a person can do is just hold your hands up and conclude that sometimes, you just have to let go, stop trying to change something that isn’t within your power and pursue what is. 

This just reinforces my view that #shithappens and sadly sometimes there is absolutely nothing you can do to change the shit all you can do is try to manage and mitigate the shit as best you can. There are no winners in this story, regardless of the outcome but hey that’s life #shithappens 

Love Fordy x

 

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D Day

Todays the day that my brother goes to court to find out after 3 years of complaints, after nearly a whole year of investigations into his concerns by social services, he hopefully will find out if he will be granted custody of his three oldest children. This hard, painful and emotional process, isn’t about scoring points, it isn’t about where the kids live, this is as much about being heard, which I have witnessed myself is 100 times harder if you are a guy, it’s even harder when it’s your brother.

He has been accused of being controlling, selfish, arrogant, uncaring, scoring points, after all, what kind of man leaves his wife, the mother to his three young children, then goes for custody of their children leaving her with nothing but herself? 

My brother contemplated leaving his partner, his first love, his first ever long-term relationship, leaving his children many times before actually making the final break. He reached out to her family expressing his concerns about her drinking, her dramatic weight loss, her erratic behavior, the dark circles under her eyes, the empty bottles around the house, including the kid’s bedroom all to no avail, “she didn’t have a problem with the drink?” And if she did drink “it was because of him!”. This is the same guy, who continued to work, pay off debts that he hadn’t incurred, to financially provide for his family with fuck all support from his partner because her first love had become the bottle. He’s reached out to us his family, who had tried everything in our power to support her and the kids, go around helping around the house, trying to be a supporting friend, encouraging her to accept outside support, even at crisis point physically taking her to the alcohol service for support.

The bottom line is that his partner is an alcoholic, worse still an alcoholic in denial. Even when caught mixing vodka in orange juice disguised in one of the kids beakers or when he has had to call the police because she has been out of control when the neighbours have called him to share their concerns about her treatment to the kids, the screaming and swearing through the walls.  When the school has raised concerns about the kids not arriving on time, or even not turning up for school, concerns about their work deteriorating. When the kids were found walking around the estate in the pissing rain whilst mom was comatose unaware, or when his eldest child sneaks her mom’s phone to call her dad to say moms asleep and they cannot wake her. Colluding with the local GP to call her in for a routine check-up.

So today, fingers crossed the judge supports recommendations by social services that the children should live with their father. This is going to be a tough day, this is a form of tough love at its most extreme. Like many other people learning to accept that you cannot change someone, cannot help someone if they cannot or are not willing to accept they need help is the hardest thing that anyone can do. 

My heart goes out to his ex-partner, who I know that deep down my brother, my family know is a lovely person, who on a good day when she is happy, confident and great, in fact an amazing mother when sober, who today may lose her status as a mother in the eyes of the law and for what? The drink, the poison that is freely on sale in practically every shop. 

So today is about my brother being heard, listened to and as a sister that’s all that I can do, fingers crossed the courts hear him too.

Love you bro and I am sooo proud of the man you have become x

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“Are you doing for the cause OR for the applause?

Yesterday was a good day and a lot of the conversations had been around societies perceptions and the narrative that if something is wrong, unjust, not fair that someone else MUST be to blame. A lot of my work of late has been about challenging these perceptions, assumptions trying to provide and share information, hopefully, to enable people to question their assumptions, to make more informed choices, which in turn will hopefully change the narrative that “someone else is always to blame”. Whilst making our morning coffee Helen my mate came out with a classic line “ Work for the cause, not for applause” the hairs on my arms stood on end, I was like YES, YES. Helen who was quite chuffed with her statement quickly went to check it out to see if she had, in fact, heard it somewhere before or had just come up with the quote of the century, sadly she didn’t.

“Work for a cause, not for applause. Live life to express, not to impress. Don’t strive to make your presence noticed just make your absence felt.” Author Unknown, well hats of to the unknown author, whoever you are!

There are people out there in particular all over social media using the narrative that someone is to blame, but never fear “they will solve it, they have the answers” and people actually buy into the narrative that this one person, who thinks they are fucking Jesus resurrected from the dead, is capable of solving everyone’s life’s problems and shit! Now at one time, I would have been sat here ranting, swearing acting like a demonic nutter having a meltdown like the possessed child, Regan, in the film The Exorcist.

Now I’m no defeatist in fact I am far from it, but I am a realist. No it isn’t nice, its not fair seeing people on the streets, nor is it nice to see a loved one slowly killing themselves from addiction, its shit when you see someone who is in an abusive relationship, its tragic that in this day and age that people are having to use food banks for the basic necessities and its not just here in this country, fuck me there are people fleeing war zones with the hope of a better, safer life and then they rock up here and are faced with different kind of attacks, just because they have a different, faith, wear different clothes or aren’t the same colour. Seriously I could go on and on and on… but life is and can be fucking proper shit and unfair! But that is the reality #shithappens

But what I do believe and what inspires me every day that despite all the shittiness and the shit narrative, that there are people who are under the social media radar who recognise life’s injustices, who are willing to do some simple acts of kindness for another person, a stranger, just because its the right thing to do and they do it without no expectation of getting something back in return, they do it because they are just simply good people. 

They do what they do because they might have been in the same shitty lifeboat at one time or another in their life, they managed to escape and want to help others to do the same. They are turning their shitty life experiences into good. They are helping to change the blame, shame “life’s shit” narrative into a positive one. 

Awards and recognition are great, I’ve been there myself chasing it the glory recognition that I have done something good, but the best reward comes from recognising myself,

Searching for someone else’s approval or recognition as a measure of self-worth takes away your ability to measure your own self-worth.

So ask yourself whatever you do “Are you doing for the cause OR for the applause?

Reet i’m off to do some work on the book, the book i am writing for me, have a great weekend, love Fordy x

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There are those that walk it, then there’s those who walk it …

Thank god for Fridays

This week has been a mixture of stress, deadlines, nurturing friendships, dealing with fuckwits and working alongside some incredible and amazing people, I’ve felt anger and dealt with it, I felt hurt and dealt with it, I have felt frustrated but worked on letting it go, but I HAVE survived another week of the rat race we call life!

I am looking forward to some more me time, time to reflect and work on the book, spend some time pottering around and doing a lot of nothing.

Dealing with difficult people can be hard and challenging at times, but that’s life, you always run the risk of being let down, not being heard, being dismissed or even worse misunderstood. But I can take anything on the chin knowing that there are some amazing people out there who despite everything are still going for it, there are those who talk it and there are those who walk it…

So here’s a shout out to the amazing people who I have had the privilege to work alongside this week, who don’t seek attention or glory, they just get on with it

  • The woman who has so much shit thrown at her, but hasn’t turned back to drink 
  • To the guy who has just found out that the op to remove his cancer wasn’t successful
  • To the lady who selfishly on a daily basis helps out people less fortunate than herself 
  • To the people who are working on being alone
  • To all the volunteers, giving something back without financial reward
  • To the mother who is  always there no matter what choices her son makes 
  • To all the people willing to take a risk
  • To the guy who is passionate about eliminating Hep C
  • To the lady who lost her sister, but who is changing her life in her sister’s memory 
  • To the Macmillan guy who walks the streets of Sheffield, come rain or shine  
  • To the girl who isn’t afraid to speak out
  • To the guy who recognises that he hasn’t got another recovery in him
  • To the young lass who some people claim“ is bonkers” who in fact is saner that her accusers 
  • The women who on the outside seems cool and collected but on the inside is riddled with anxiety, but still passionate about other’s 

To the others? well all I can say is “ain’t got time for your shit”

  • The guy who craves attention from others
  • The lady who won’t admit she is wrong 
  • The guy who is scared to be alone
  • The woman who hinds behind a man 
  • The guy that hides behind a woman 
  • The guy chasing status and the next new designer clothes 

Talking of friendship after my blog yesterday, a friend shared this with me and I thought I would share it with you (well actually it’s not the same one because I can not find the actual link) but I went something like this

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed or just felt. They have come to assist you through a hard time, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. Then, suddenly, the person disappears from your life. Your need has been met; their work is done.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share or grow or give back. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They give you great joy. Believe it; it is real. But only for a season.

Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons—things you must build upon to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all your other relationships.

Think about the people in your life over the years. Whether they were there for a reason, a season or a lifetime, accept them and treasure them for however long they were meant to be part of your life.

And when they are gone, be thankful for the gifts you received from them when they were here—for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Have a great day what ever you are doing, if you do nothing else make sure you do a little something for you…

Love Fordy x

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Have you done a friendship audit recently?

 

Writing this for someone who has recently got lost a little “you know who you are”I do this every so often, its a really good gratitude exercise but its also a good measure to ask yourself who you can turn to if you are feeling low. It might seem clinical, but when you are surrounded by many people sometimes knowing who is GOOD for you to be around is important, because we can easily forget. You could call it an exercise on resetting your boundaries? Ask yourself, apart from YOU who are you going to invest, accept around you?

There is the top part, there is only enough room for a select few (at the moment) and that’s ok, less is more, they are there because they Get ‘Me’ I feel the most comfortable around them, I feel I can trust them , I know that if I ever needed them, they would be there 100%. And I would in return, be there too.  The guys at the top are the most congruent who I have let in and allowed to know me better.

The guys at the top of the triangle, don’t actually need a lot of watering, tending too, you can go weeks, months without seeing or talking without anything changing, no effort required.

 

Then there’s the middle layer – there is more room here, these are the people I see the good in, good hearts, those who are here for a reason, genuine and who, if none of my trusted group above wasn’t around I feel I could reach out to. There is potential for these guys if I spent more time or got to know them better, could move into the soul mate category OR the opposite!

 

There are what I could describe as associates? Those who may not meet my emotional needs, probably because they cannot meet their own emotional needs, but that’s ok underneath they have a good heart, maybe a confused one. These are the guys who you might look out for but not at the expense of yourself, your self-worth, your self-esteem, harsh but true…

Over the years, my friendship triangle has changed, people have moved from the top, right down to the bottom or even off the fucking scale. We are human and by our nature, we need relationships/friendships in our lives. A lot of the time, but because life can tend to get in the way and we don’t make time to think about our friendships, we can lose sight quite easily of who we ‘Chose’ to give a little of ourselves. 

But ultimately regardless of who you have around you, it doesn’t matter it means diddly squat if you don’t have a relationship with yourself?

#Taketime out #refect #thinkaboutyourneeds

Hope this helps

Love Fordy

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