Reflections – nearly one year on

It is my 49th Birthday today, I have got holiday coming up soon, but got plenty still to do. I am sooo looking forward to being able to switch off for two whole weeks, but this year will be different, because i am different, my outlook on life is different.

It’s nearly a year since I came back off me hols, invested in this computer and started to write. This time last year I was completely stressed, worrying about work, worrying if I had forgotten to do something before I posted my out of office on.

The initial drive for writing was to complete the book, this time last year I was reflecting on the fact that i was coming up to 50 and still hadn’t completed writing the book “Blood is thicker than Alcohol”,. I felt whole and empty all the same time, something was missing from my life and i couldn’t figure it out.

I took the advice from a dear friend Mick Holmes and went out to purchase a desk, computer and started to write, not really knowing where it was taking me, but i just wrote. I took advice from other writers who tell you “to write, write anything every day” it improves your confidence with writing, but for me it has given back so much more, far much more than i could have ever imagined.

For almost a year I get up 1st thing in a morning and write (or should I say ramble) but an unexpected result of doing this has been that I have discovered a better version of me, an understanding how I tick, I have learned so much about myself, making the time for me, saving some of my precious time back for me.

I have read many books, learned that I am more creative than I ever knew, I feel calmer, I don’t tend to let things get to me as much, I am able to let so many issues go… I have been brave enough to share my thoughts and journey on my own website, (fuck me the fact that i actually own my own website domain is insane) I have pursued training that I have wanted to do for eons. Friends, the family now know that writing is a big part of my life now, I can openly share how much I enjoy it, even in the midst of others skepticism, I have steamed on.

I have learned to tame my drinking habits, I am much more mindful. However I am not perfect, I will have a shandy now and then and the odd bottle of wine on a weekend and whilst I can moderate my eating during the week,  I still succumb to the weekend blow out, knowing all too well that I will feel bloated, and sick for a couple of days after. But I still do it. I still doubt myself (not as much) the self-doubt is always there, I still have FAT days, I still have days when I see a pic of myself and cringe (the camera doesn’t lie) because of what I see, the real me, the aged Tracey, the physical evidence of older age, the wrinkles, the flabby arms, the turtle neck, the kangaroo pouch, somedays I accept me as i am and other days I’m not so accepting. 

There are some days, I don’t write, because I feel like I don’t have anything to say or I prioritize work or home life, but I always come back to the writing, I am going away in two days and feel torn, do I take my laptop? Do I take the risk of it being stolen or covered in sand, I do I just treat myself to a holiday note book and write when the urge takes me? I think it will be the latter!

There have been some shitty personal challenges through out the year such as unexpected death, injustices, crisis’s that have brought on emotional distress, but I am learning to cope with it much better, because I have realised that no ones life is perfect, including my own life #Shithappens to good people and nice stuff happens to #shitpeople, or should I say less deserving people. There is injustice all around us, but there are also some amazing stuff too, that’s often missed or taken for granted. Like friendships, connecting with people, seeing beyond the person who presents themselves differently from others, the rewards from being kind and compassionate, from being able to let things go sooner, rather than later, holding onto shit I cannot change and embracing the things I can change, like myself. Learning to save, keep back a little of that compassion the I have for others, for myself. Learning to be kinder to myself ignoring the negative dialog that can plague my inner self. One of the biggest lessons I have learned is not to be ashamed of not being perfect, not to be ashamed of getting shit wrong, not to be ashamed of being me, 

The way I now see it is that we get one shot of life, and that’s a fact! I don’t want to be on my death bed full of regrets, I want to know that I lived life to the fullest, I want to be able to look back on my life and say “I did my best” not just for myself, but for others around me. 

Life can be taken for granted, It is so easy just to go with the flow of life, without never actually taking any of it in, we can get carried away with ourselves and others that we risk missing out on so much. 

So my birthday present this year is to me, is ME

 Reflections - A year on 
 The same person 
 A different view 
 Learning about myself 
 The things I never knew 
 A new optimism for life
 Learning to let go of the strife
 Putting myself first
 Recognising my own worth 

 Taking new risk’s
 Venturing into the unknown 
 Accepting the challenges
 Yet to unfold 

 I don’t know the future 
 I don’t have a crystal ball
 But I do know this
 We get one crack at life
 And i'm giving it my all

 Learning not to give up
 The positives are still there 
 Opening my heart
 Learniing, Its ok to care
 Learning its ok to be me
 Be brave 
 Be true
 Trusting myself
 Thats all i can do

 Fordy 29.05.2019 

Still looking for the good in a haze of shit

I cannot watch the news
  The headlines 
 They get me down
 Every where you look
 Every reason to frown

 Who will they choose?
 Johnson or hunt 
 Does it matter?
 They are both **nts

 Begging on the street
 Queuing at food banks to eat
 Blaming each other 
 For our poverty and despair 
 Going around in circles fucking going no where
 Never positive 
 No! That don’t sell news
 Is it any wonder people turn to use
 Reach for the bottle or the syringe 
 To block it all out 
 To take away the cringe
 I’m sick of listening to nobodies 
 Arguing about who’s to blame
 No government in my lifetime 
 Will be able to tame societies shame
 I’m sick of the negative 
 It could get me down
 But I won’t be drawn in
 When there’s so much positive around
 I might not have a say
 But I can make a difference 
 In my own way 
 To the guy on the street
 The ones who got nowt to eat
 We can make a difference 
 We can stop have a word
 We can listen 
 We can let them be heard 

 Change is inevitable
 Just go with the flow
 There’s still much to do
 We can all make a difference 
 But it starts with YOU
 Before you can help others
 You must take care of yourself 
 Look out for the good
 Let go of the bad 
 Trust me, holding onto it will just make you sad
 Be kind
 Don’t be cruel
 Does it matter who rules
 Look after loved ones and those that count 
 Our work is not done yet
 Theres still too much to do
 I can live with myself 
 The question is
 “Can you?”

What the fuck does normal actually mean?

Normal what the fuck does normal actually mean? I googled it, this is what I got …

Something that is normal is usual and ordinary, and is what people expect. (Collins Dictionary)

Conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected. (Oxford Dictionary)

So my question is if normal is about, being ordinary and conforming then who sets the standards? If social norms are formed by expectations, who decides what the standards are? Who says what’s normal and what’s not? Who dictates the rules? Who decides what the social norms should be? I mean everyones definition of normal is different, so who gets to decide what normal is right or wrong?

I mean let’s face it there are millions, billions, trillions of different definitions of “normal” that are based on expectations formed by someone in society different cultures, So how the fuck do you decide or work out what’s normal for you? For example 

In some parts of society it is perfectly normal to inject your face with botox (which by the way is a fucking poison, which taken in high doses can be deadly) just to make you look and feel better, but yet it’s not normal to inject yourself with heroin to make you feel better? 

It’s normal to sleep in a tent, if you are on your holidays, but it’s not normal to live on one on the street?

Its normal for people to go out on a weekend, go into a pub purchase a drink, drink allow yourself to be under the influence, but its not normal to be stood on a street corner getting high off what ever you can get your hands on?

It’s normal for you to be dictated to your peers or your elders, but it’s not normal to speak out or against them?

I mean who makes up all the fucking rules? I look back on my life and none of it has been normal, despite trying to be “normal” (whatever that fucking is?) I done the having a go at being a “normal kid” I have had a go at doing a “normal job” I have had a go at being a “Normal partner” and I have come to the conclusion that I am far from normal, I don’t want to be “normal” I much prefer being abnormal and unique any day. 

And that for many is the scary part because there is always the fear that if you break away or resist the social norm will and can put you at risk of being ostracised or being treated differently. 

I want to  and get to decide and chose what my “normal” is nobody else can tell me how to think, feel or behave, because what I have learned from life to date is that when I have listened and gone down the “normal route” it has left me feeling dissatisfied, incomplete, trying to be or do something that I don’t want to be or do. Being someone I am not! 

Society doesn’t get to dictate my normality, I DO! If I chose to conform to a social norm then I will! If I don’t then I won’t? Simple!

All of us are trying to work out what’s our normal, but we cannot decide on what’s normal for us based on someone else’s expectations, the expectations have to come from us! Someone else cannot set our standards, we have to set them ourselves. 

My definition of normal is being happy and content, I accept that I will never be totally normal and I’m ok with that, because no fucker is…

I write for me 
Nobody else
It eases my mind
And my mental health

You might not understand 
And that’s ok 
You can read it 
Or you can walk away 

I write for myself 
Nobody else 
A chance to off load 
So I don’t implode

It may not be perfect
And that’s ok too
It works for me
Its not all about you
I write for myself 
Nobody else 
It calms my mind
Helps me to unwind
It might not make sense 
And that’s ok 
It helps me, come to terms 
And understand the person I am today

Got any spare change?

Refections from a week on the Streets

I am not suggested that you build up a relationship with everyone that you see on the streets, or purchase a big issue every time you walk past a big issue seller (I mean how many copies of one mag can you read in one week?) navigating the homeless that we see and sometimes dodge on the streets can  be hard to handle morally and emotionally.

Random tents popping up on street corners, makeshift homes having to walk past someone asleep or passed out in a corner that smells of urine and is strewn with waste. Walking past the same people, watching their physical health deteriorate daily before your eyes, secretly wondering to what their story is, Why they are there? Are they scammers? Are they genuinely homeless? Are they druggies begging for money for their next fix? 

Then there is the genuine fear of having to say no to someone, a stranger who will approach you for money, that you simply haven’t got, who will walk away in disgusted and annoyed that you haven’t parted with any money! Leaving you feeling either sad, helpless or even outraged that you have been left feeling that you could have or should have done more?

Its not a pretty sight, but it is a sight that is becoming more and more visible in our towns, cities, its even spreading into the local communities, only the other day someone one on a quiet estate, in the south of the city approached my mother in law, whilst she was gardening asking for a quid for bus fare. 

“There is deprivation all around us, there always has been, its just that its more visible now, meaning that this vulnerability that we would prefer to ignore to get on with our daily lives is there right in front of us and we can no longer pretend that it doesn’t exist!”

And for many people, they simply do not know What to do? What to say? What to think? What to believe? Who to blame? And I get it? A seasoned drugs worker, a ex addict myself with years worth of experience working with the vulnerable, even I despair and feel helpless at times. The times that support has been offered accepted but then individual doesn’t arrive. The buzz you get some seeing someone making positive changes to the downers from the broken promises, the lies that we are spoon fed from those on the streets, by the ones we know have accommodation but continue to ask for money for a room for the night! The ones who will try and convince you that your money will not be spent on drugs, who accept the sandwich, but will throw it away later when you have gone, or save it to pass on to someone else who might want it. 

Sometimes it feels like all the negativity will never end and that it will only get worse, but what people don’t often see are the ones, the ones you haven’t seen for a while, they are not in their same spot, the ones you wonder “are they still alive?” There are so many people who have been able, with the support of many of the charities, some more than others who have been able to navigate their way off the streets, who now work or volunteer in the services giving back the same compassion and care that someone else extended to them when they were on the streets or entrenched in addiction. 

There are hundreds of people who have reclaimed their lives, by learning to understand the addictive streak that lived within them, learning to tame it, so that they can function in this place we call life, in a reality and society that they can cope with, in a society plagued by stigma and expectations about “Knowing the difference between right and wrong” or what is socially acceptable. 

And that’s why we cannot stop offering compassion, for those of us who see past all the shit, the failures the disappointments but continue to offer compassion either a friendly word, a smile to the person on the street. We have to recognise and understand that they will only do it when THEY are ready. Not when WE want them ready, so in the meantime all WE/YOU can do is show some compassion, being able to look beyond the dirt, the bags that contains anything of value around with them on their backs.

You will never know when that person will smile back at you a say “YES, IM READY! ”

Because when that happens it makes what we do all worth the while. 

The pursuit of happiness isn’t about perfection, its about understanding, accepting our imperfections and managing them to the best of our ability and that’s all we can do

For years I put the needs another man’s before my own. I lived in a deluded world where I thought that if I could make him happy, fix all their problems that I would be ok! Say what he wanted to hear, opposed to what I wanted to say, do what he wanted to do opposed to doing what I wanted soon became second nature and in the process I had learned to believe that thinking about my needs was selfish.

I’d changed, I doubted myself, been rewired, constantly doubting myself, allowing others to using guilt as a weapon to get their own way.

I had become an expert at using others as a distraction an excuse from asking myself “what do I want?” I had become afraid I who I was? But when in reality I didn’t have xxcking Scooby doo! Who I was? let alone what I wanted! So where the fuck do you start?

Being in that place was scary, appearing to be functioning on the outside, the “perfect life” but on the inside, I was a hollow shell, I had lost my identity. I had given it away without realising the long term damage that it would cause me. I have had to learn some hard life lessons, some things about myself I didn’t like, often very painful ones I am working on undoing all the learned thinking, and learning new ways of functioning as a whole being, not just a shell or a preprogrammed robot!

I now live with the constant battle of reminding myself that I’m ok, constantly reassuring myself that I matter, constantly reassuring myself that the actions I make will and are the right ones for me at that time, constantly reassuring myself that its ok to make mistakes, that’s not to say It’s easy, in fact far from it? but I reason that life was never easy before was it? But the doubt’s never really go away.

I now reason that the older version of me was learned thinking, so now I am working on undoing the learning and found that I started to learn things about myself that I never knew even existed? 

I am still the same person, but I am braver than i once thought, I trust my instincts more, and the more I learn about me, the more I realise that the pursuit of happiness isn’t about perfection, its about understanding, accepting our imperfections and managing them to the best of our ability and that’s all we can do. 

I am fortunate, I am no longer in a manipulative relationship in fact I haven’t been for many years, but the scars are still there, they act as a reminder, a reminder to make sure I don’t lose myself again and not to make the same mistakes.

Meeting the man of your dream’s

The ying to my yang 

This was all meant to be 

But it was just me

Making everything all right

Just to prevent a fight

Always wrong

Never right

Chipping away, at my soul

Not sure which way to go

Losing myself 

Chasing the needs of someone else 

Nothing in return

Just a one way street

Feeling weak and defeated 

I’m sick of being mistreated

Something has to change 

I don’t know where to start

This is the frightening part

I cannot continue, its breaking my heart

What if he was right?

What if I’m wrong?

Nah fuck that shit!

I need to stay strong 

I know I my heart

I made some crap choices 

Which cannot be undone

I need to accept them

I need to move on 

To find a new version

A new version of me

That person I once was 

The person I am meant to be 

You weren’t good for me

Now I finally can see

We were never meant to be

A light has been switched on

Time to look after number one 

My heart maybe weak

But my resolve is strong

No longer under your control

I’m done, I’ve let go

Its time to move on

I surround myself with people

The ones who really care

The ones who listen 

The ones who don’t scare

You have lost your control

I’m learning to trust in myself 

To know my own mind 

Starting to be kind

Your spell has been broken 

Give it your best shot

You pushed me to the brink

But I am stronger than you think

Its taken a while

But I can look back smile

No longer under your spell

Its time to get well

Enjoy your life

You are on your own

Taking back some control of our own thoughts instead of allowing others to dictate them is the most valuable commodities we can develop for ourselves, the shit part is that it just takes a lot of practice and patience.

What was thinking about this time yesterday isn’t the same as what I am thinking this morning! The thoughts that consumed my mind yesterday have long since gone and are no longer serving a purpose, I was consumed with a sense of validation, victory, smugness, relief that finally someone who has been blagging their way through life just recently, misleading people with lies on social media was finally found out! 

I was one of those tempted to react and respond celebrating that the truth was finally out, in fact, I did react, I typed, but then deleted a response many a time, but I never actually pressed the send button, because I realised that I didn’t need to? What purpose would that have served? There were others calling them out on social media, my opinion would have been washed up with all the other negative post of condemnation and hatred from those who have been misleaded and lied to. Where as I knew it was bullshit all along, the truth had finally come out and those who had been mislead had every right to vent their anger. 

Later in the day this person closed down their page, I was relieved that the misleading lies would hopefully now stop. However those feelings of victory didn’t last long because it wasn’t long before my thoughts then turned to the person in question, my anger turned to pity, my happiness turned into shame, because despite all the lies and rumours that had been shed, lies and rumours that potentially harmed others, had now been turned in on the person spreading them.  I found myself feeling sorry for “said” person, concerned about their welfare, their mental and emotional state. 

Yes, they had done wrong, and no they didn’t deserve my sympathy, they didn’t deserve the time I was spending thinking about their welfare, but I cannot escape the reality that we have all made mistakes before, our own mistakes can turn into burdens that we carry around invisible to the naked eye we can continue to punish ourselves enough, without the punishment of others too. 

This person had got themselves wrapped up in a deluded reality that fuelled their ego and sense of purpose that was now unravelling around them and the only person that can sieve through the mess in the wake of the misleading lies is the said person in question. 

The story that unfolded yesterday thought me an invaluable lesson, it helped me realise and served as another reminder (once again) that whilst other peoples actions may offend or upset me, I do have a choice about how I react or respond. I am reminded once more that I have no control over others, but I do have some say in how I react and there is a sense of relief in knowing that this person, their actions won’t be consuming my thoughts anymore because I let it go… the saddest part is knowing that the said person in question will never know how I had ever let them get to me? I mean how fucked up is that? 

We will never know what others are thinking, after all half the time we cannot make sense of our own thoughts, let alone others. So for now, (until some other fuckwit comes along, because that WILL happen, it won’t be long before someone else starts pushing my buttons) but for now I am going turn the focus from looking outside and starting focusing on the inside, because at the end of the day, what counts is ME. 

The power of taking a step back and reflection can never be underestimated, being able to take back some control of my own thoughts instead of allowing others to dictate them is the most valuable commodities we can develop for ourselves, the shit part is that it just takes a lot of practice and patience.

Love Fordy x

What do you do with your rubbish?

Making time for me is my way of caring for myself – Putting my thoughts onto paper, it feels like I have captured them, I own them, they are mine and I like to look of what I have written, they are my words nobody else’s. Like chasing discarded newspapers or debris being carried by gusts of wind, sometimes the winds can feel like tornados, but being able to grab one or two helps reduce the mess left behind later all our discarded thoughts, feelings and emotions left scattered, littered, sometimes for someone else to clean up after, or we may go back to clean up ourselves OR we can choose to walk away and ignore the mess or devastation left behind? 

Offloading my thoughts is like me going back and cleaning up my own litter, I know if I walk away and leave them they will grow like landfills, mountains of decaying debris resulting in a foul smell that soaks into your clothes into your skin and the only way to relieve yourself from the foul smell is to shower or cleanse yourself. 

For me with writing it’s like taking some of my rubbish, try to make sense of it and then dispose of it in the appropriate recycling bin so that the thoughts and ideas can be used again and serve some purpose to someone else or lessons for ourselves and others.

I have been sorting through me rubbish this morning – here are some of my thoughts and reflections from my week at work...

I often want things too fast, there is an urgency about wanting to know what I will be doing 2, 3 10 years in my life, I want some reassurances that things will turn out ok, that I will be ok, I want to be sure that I am living the best of me, that I am reaching my full potential, I want to know that I will still be helping others find their own path. 

Isn’t that what all of us want? We want reassurance, we crave guarantees in a life where nothing can be really guaranteed! We want others to change, we want to fix their defaults, often at the cost of not really fixing or focusing on our own defaults! 

We look to others to, reassure us that everything is going to be ok or fix and make things ok, are we asking too much? Do we expect too much? I think so, I think we (as a society) expect too much and rely on others to reassure and restore and make things just right. We want others to fix something we don’t like or don’t agree with, we want answers as to why someone is sleeping on the streets, or why someone was beaten by a  possessive partner, we want to fix all the wrong in the world !

When the reality is, that we cannot fix all the wrongs in the world, that there are NO guarantees, there will ever be enough questions to all the answers, always more questions than there are answers. We will never 100% ever be happy or content with our lot all of the time. We will never in our lifetime be in a position where we no longer see people sleeping rough on the streets or preventing someone one being beaten or controlled by a possessive partner. It aint ever going to happen! With a planet populated by over 7+Billion we cannot effect change for everyone, but we can try to effect change closer to home, we can try to make a difference. It is a well known fact that people struggling with certain situations or issues are more likely to listen , receive and accept advice from people who have themselves have some lived experienced . This isn’t to say that just because you have lived experience that you are the expert and that those who haven’t had lived experaince are unqualified to help. but It goes back to us instinctively wanting reassurance, some sort of guarantee from someone who’s had the same lived experience and got through it, we need evidence that change can happen.  We cannot do for others, but we can show them and its ultimately down to them if they are willing or ready to make choices or any change.

But we can be role models, but we have to be honest role models, we have to acknowledge and remind the ones we are supporting or guiding that sometimes life will still get tough, will still feel tough, that the challenges just don’t stop coming, they are part of life! FACT 

We have to remind the ones that we are supporting that there are no guarantee’s and that if we offer guarantees we are potentially setting them up to fail. That is why being self aware of our own limits, knowing our own boundaries and knowing what’s in our own refuge or rubbish bin is crucial not just for us, but for the person we are supporting or helping. Its called guiding by example 

So my question to you is

“What do you do with your rubbish? and when did you last sort it out?”

Love Fordy x

What if you realised you were perfect all along?

I was sent a question by my tutor from a recent course I attended, she asked the question “What is it that we want?”. I have learned that what I wanted for myself years ago isn’t what I want for myself now! People say “Christ it wasn’t like that when I was a kid?” that because life, society is constantly changing (whether you like it or not!) the key is how you respond to it, adapt to it, without loosing yourself.

If you would have asked me years ago, my response might have been “I want to be accepted” or “I want to be understood” For years I was a walking ball of confusion, always worried I might offend, or say the wrong thing, always feeling on the edge, I carried an anxiety around with me that someday someone will find out that I am a fraud!

So what do I want? “I want to be happy being me” but in the pursuit of being happy, feeling comfortable in my own skin hasn’t been easy, in fact, some of it has been painful and uncomfortable.

I started this journey many years ago in my early recovery, it was like someone had taken the blindfold off and I could see life for what it was more clearly. that was because I was forced to take a step back and reflect, being sectioned kinda does that for ya. But it is so easy to slip, for forget who you are in this crazy mad life and it is, let us not fool ourselves and I have slipped, relapsed many a time, not on drugs, but I have allowed myself to succumb to what society tells us is normal!

I want to be able to let go of all the materialism and social pressures “to be perfect” Now don’t get me wrong I love a good pair of shoes, I like to look my best, but I want to dictate my own style but I want a say in that and I want to feel comfortable with my decisions and choices.

Being true to you takes time, it takes patience, it takes a lot of reflection, self-honesty, but above all, it is also about taking responsibility, learning not to blame others or something for how you are feeling, learning to let go of things I cannot change and learning to focus on the things I can. It’s not been easy, it isn’t easy and it never will be, but what I have learned most of all is that its all been fucking worth it. I will never be perfect, but I am ok with that! I will sometimes make mistakes, but I can deal with that!

So my question to you is “What do you want?” you can decline to answer, but if you don’t ask yourself, how will you ever know?

What if you realised you were perfect all along?

Seeking approval 
The desire to fit in
Chasing perfection
In a world full of rejection

Perfecting the external 
Perfect skin
Inflated lips
Enormous tits

A nation of Barbies and Ken’s
Is that what we have become?
In our pursuit of perfection 
In a world full of rejection?

But the perfection you are seeking 
Already exists
It’s not out there
In a society that doesn’t care 

Take ya head out of ya arse
Have a word wi thee sen
Tha get’s one shot at life
The perfection you are seeking 
Cannot be found under a surgeons knife

Embrace all the wrinkles 
love all your scars 
live with your reality
Stop hiding in a mirage

You can try to ignore 
But you cannot hide
From those feelings and thoughts inside
Hidden from the naked eye

Take a look inside
You might be surprised to see
The person that you wanted to be
Was already there

Blinded by societies bullshit
The lies that are sold
"You are ok" you always have been
Stop waiting to be told

How to think
How to feel
These all belong to you
They are not anyones to steal

Take one day at a time
learn to switch off, unwind 
Let go of the past 
Yesterday has gone
Tomorrow is never promised

Its time to think for yourself
Make time for you
You are amazing
You just never knew

#Haveawordwitheesen 2019

Its not what we do, its how we react

Not everything we see our reality, sometimes the person we want to be sometimes isn’t the person we see staring back at us in the mirror. 

I often look in the mirror and don’t recognise the person staring back at me. If I am in a happy place, I like what I see, if I’m not in such a good place I struggle to like the reflection staring back at me. I see people on the streets who carry the burden of low self-esteem with little or no self-worth, but who I see has having sooo much potential, but they cannot see it? 

The only person who can make those changes is the person staring back at us…small steps, hourly, daily, weekly…I’m a firm believer in working towards change, if that’s what you want. But change isn’t easy and it’s not for the faint hearted and it should never be underestimated.

There are days when the shit literally hits the pan some is within our control and some is out of our control and often it can blindside us and hit us out of no where! There are many a time, I can quite easily ignore all the things that are niggling me, let them go, but they never go far, not until I address them anyway 

Sometimes it might be something simple as recognising my feelings have been hurt! 

Other times it might be that I find myself putting something off, a task I need to do, a good one is housework, especially when it comes to the f***ing Ironing! 

Every action creates a reaction just like throwing a pebble into a pond, anything we say or do will be met with either a positive or negative reaction. 

Not all our actions are positive, which increases the risk of a negative reaction.

Some of our actions are positive, which will increase the chances of a positive reaction

Some of our actions, which we perceive as positive can still be met with a negative reaction! 


There will always be two sides to EVERY story, there will always be people with differing opinions, there will always be people with differing beliefs and values, there will always be people who will never see things through your lens, so knowing this…. What are you going to do about it?

Thats life! “So how do we change this?” 

My response would be not how do we change something, it would be “How are we going to respond, How are we going to react?, what can I do? What can YOU do?”

We can start by practising to take a step backgo somewhere quiet, make some quiet time for you, somewhere you wont be distrurbed

Write it down – start by listing all your problems -“What’s bothering you?”  or ask yourself “what do I want?) (what do you desire or wish)  moving them from your head and your heart can help you can see them in a different light or perspective

Once you have finished your list, go through it, prioritise what’s causing you the biggest issue or what’s the top of your wish list?

Get another sheet of paper and write down what’s bothering or what’s your wish on the page, stay on this page and list all the barriers, and issues associated with the problem or wish

Now work through them one on by one ask yourself “what can I do?”

What you might find is that most of what you have listed are actually assumptions and at worse limiting assumptions and that these are the only things that are holding you back!

The key here is to acknowledge what’s going wrong for you or bothering you, break it down, dissect it, come up with a plan to deal with and then DO IT!

Life isn’t always easy, sometime life seems much harder than it has to be, often the only thing that makes it harder is how your react or respond to it! 

Just don’t give up. 

So if you are struggling, have a blip or fall spectacularly. Get up, #HaveaWordwitheesen 

You can do it! You are doing it! You GOT THIS