I don’t know about you, but I always get pissed off when I get a reminder of my phone or computer that some software needs updating, it’s intended to protect our equipment from make it resiliant to the latest virus or whatever. After a few reminders, I will succumb and let whatever the device needs do what it needs to do then carry on using it. Sometimes the setting’s or features might change, I don’t like it, but I soon get used to it and carry on as before.
So it got me thinking “we are in an age where we need our electronic software updating, but how often do we update our own?” what about our internal resilience? I mean we all have it, but how much time do we dedicate to updating, refreshing or updating it? continually taking ourselves for granted?
It is impossible to notice, experience, or observe everything, we unconsciously put our experiences and observations through a lens of relevance that is shaped by our personal needs. From these relevant experiences and observations, we make assumptions, and from those assumptions, we draw conclusions. From conclusions, we form our belief, but how often do we refresh or update ourselves?
Resilience – we all have it, but what does it look like? If you are anything like me, you have survived and come through some pretty shit situations. Situations that at the time might have left you feeling like your world has been ripped apart. The loss of a loved one, betrayal, addiction, abuse? The list goes on…
Guess what? If you are reading this, “you survived?” But how did you do it? What was it that got you through those tough times?
You have the ones like myself, who went from one crisis to another, to the point where I literally lost my sanity, where I was lost in an abyss, a place I would describe as being my worst nightmare, but guess what? I survived! I have written about resilience in a lot in my previous post of my post
Everyones definition of resilience is different, we all have it, we all possess resilience often we don’t recognise just how resilient we are, until like an elastic band, which starts out with an abundance of elasticity but has been played with, toyed with stretched, maybe used for a time to bind something in place, but sometimes it has been stretched so much to the point that there is no elasticity left resulting in us snapping, making unwise decisions, some which can have a lifetime of consequences. We all bare our own personal scars, which are a reminders of a time we have been stretched too far, sometimes the evidence of being stretched too far are still there to see, some visible to the naked eye others are not but can been seen in how we, act, react, how we deal with life, our actions.
But just because the elastic band has snapped doesn’t mean it no longer serves a purpose! “how many times has the SHIT HIT THE PAN and you’ve snapped your elastic band in two, you have used all your bands up, had nothing left to use, so being resourceful you decide to tie a knot into the band and start again?”– fuck me my band has about 5 knots biding it all together.
There are people in life who go from one crisis to another, (we all know one or more people like this) making the same mistakes again and again, but guess what? they are still here they are still surviving, they are still coping, albeit not in the way you or might, but they are in their own way.
But I don’t want to be in the latter group, in a world and society of so many pressures and mixed messages being able to understand resilience, what helps build a strengthen not just my own, but for others too.
I have been entertaining the idea of setting up a group or designing a training program to help others, to help them work out what resilience means to them, how to recognise just how resilient they are even when they think or feel that they are a failure. To explore their life’s journey to date, to realise just how much elasticity they possess and how even if they snap they can reuse and strengthen their own personal elasticity/resilience. A workshop which enables participants to “Update their Software” Afterall our old thoughts, feelings and behaviours often need updating, much like we would update the software on our computers!
Understanding Personal resilience is something we can all benefit from so we ‘bounce rather than break’ under the pressures, hassles and opportunities for growth (ie more pressures and hassles) of life.
I am collaborating with Mick Holmes one of my oldest and wisest friends and trusted colleagues to design a workshop for people to help understand what resiliance means to them, how they can build on their own resiliance – so watch this space