Its been nearly 3 weeks since my last blog and that’s ok, to be honest, I haven’t had the desire nor time to translate my daily journal into something to share, mainly out of feeling like I had nothing to say?
Being in a position where I am fortunate to be able to fund a two-week break away sounds idyllic doesn’t it? But the weeks in the run-up to going away was filled with lots of
The first week away always feels weird, I mean ya knackered before ya go away with all the preparation beforehand. So switching from being in a reactive state of mind to not having to think about the day to day stuff takes time. I took my notebook, Kindle, and music with me everywhere, I did loads of writing, reading and listening to music that soothes my soul. I ate out, caught up with the old man, drank nice wine. I do find that it takes me a good week to really start to relax, by the middle of the second week the thought of becoming a hobo, beach bum seems appealing, but then towards the end of the holiday, reality starts to kick in. And whilst I might romance the idea or contemplate the benefits of being a hobo, in reality, I know that I could never settle for that, I reason with myself that, it is what it is, times up, it back to reality. Back to work, back to doing what I love, getting paid to do what I love, which also pays for the breaks, I will return to work, refreshed, tanned
I am not ready for hearing that a funding bid I applied for had been declined, I am not ready for all the 400+ emails that I need to wade through before I can even consider, thinking about the meeting later that day, I am not ready for the same bullshit, the same organizational narrative, same shit different day! I’m not ready for politics, I’m not ready for the self-imposed expectations, I’m just not ready, so much so I complained to my manager that people who have gone on annual leave, ought to be entitled to a phased return to work, (she laughed, but
It is my second week back into work, back to reality and getting the balance is fucking hard three days in and I could have quite simply at 4 o’clock laid out on the office floor and slept, my energy levels felt sapped, I had little or no tolerance for being around people, I want to just go home and lock myself in my room for a while longer, I want to continue to eat whatever I want without giving a fuck about the consequences, I want to get back to who and where I was before I switched off and went away.
I do wonder