Practicing being true to myself

Practicing being true to myself has been extra hard this week, my heads been in a mess and truly up me arse. So much so, after being awake since 4 am unable to switch off, I stepped into the trusty trainers and took me sen for a morning run. I’m glad it’s Friday, christ I am ready for a break!

I came up with the ramble below, which helped me to really recognise, but more importantly, acknowledge just how I have been feeling. Pushing shit down or holding it within, only serves to make me feel worse. It’s all too easy to lose track of who we really are and lose ourselves in other people agendas. This week for me has been a stark reminder of the importance of retaining a sense of worth and being true to ourselves as much as we can.

 Letting it out

 Frustrated and lost 
 No energy to spare 
 I’m ready for a break
 Fuck it, I wish I didn’t care

 Seeing things differantly
 The games that people play 
 In a world of Bureaucracy
 I just want to run away

 I’m sick of the promises
 That never come 
 Playing the hero for one day
 Whilst the real heroes slave away
 
 Walking alongside tin men 
 Without any heart
 I need a toto
 A trustworthy friend 
 Who will walk by my side 
 And defend me till the end
 
 I don’t want to be the witch 
 Full of anger and rage 
 I need Dorothy's shoes
 I want to be whisked away
 
 I’m tired, I’m disheartened 
 Of the games people play
 Maybe its time to hang up me boots
 Time to walk away
 
 Time to take a step back
 Get myself back on track
 Walk away from the fight 
 And let them be
 I think Its time I focused 
 On just being me 

Thanks for listening, much love, Fordy

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#Havingawordwimesen isn’t​ just about dwelling on the past, it’s​ about re-writing it

Our brain is more powerful than we give it credit for and what we think consciously and unconsciously can have an impact on how we see ourselves, how we personal and how we feel about ourselves. I came across this quote recently and it got me thinking about my own limiting beliefs

Limiting behaviors originate from limiting beliefs. Our beliefs form the basis of our experiences and how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. When our beliefs are limited, we limit our perception and experience of what is possible. It doesn’t matter if those beliefs are false. As long as we believe them, they will accordingly impact and mold our perception of experience. The more limiting our beliefs, the less powerful we feel.”  Edward Morler.

I have tonnes of them, some I have overcome others, pop up from time to time, I tend to notice these more when I am putting things off or avoiding something.  I recently private messages people I knew from my linkedIn if they would be willing to provide me with a recommendation for my profile. I had been putting this off for ages, thinking it was a little narcissistic and a little self indulgent, plus I sometimes feel uncomfortable with positive feedback, but I know that this is only down to my limiting beliefs. People often say I reflect too much, I think they think I am living in the past, butting actual fact what I am doing is rewriting the limiting beliefs from my past to make me a better person, someone who cares not just about others, but also myself.

For example one of my limiting beliefs is “I’m not good enough” now this is a BIGGY for me and it’s one of those limiting beliefs that pops up more often than I care to admit.

After tentatively private messaging a few people I knew I took a leap of faith and asked if they would be willing to write something on my profile, I was touched with the responses, here are a few… 

Tracey, to use the jargon, is a completer/finisher with lots of ambition to make the world a better place. Every task she takes on, she does so with the determination and enthusiasm to make it the best of its kind. In the background is her experience of having been substance dependent, a carer for of people who were substance dependent and all the emotional and life struggles it involves. If skill, experience and hard work isn’t enough, Tracy also cares deeply for those caught up, in one way or another, in substance misuse.

Tracey is passionate, dedicated and believes the best in others even when the going gets tough. She’s also a champion for recovery, and having worked within the drug and alcohol misuse field for many years, Tracey remains a consistent advocate for inclusive and user-led service development.

Airnt they lovely and guess what? Because these have come from people I know well, because I trust them, I am more inclined to believe and learnt to accept what they see in me, they will help remind me and serve me well whenever old limiting beliefs rise to the surface, I have something to replace that shit negative limiting belief.

There are a lot of people who don’t even realise that it is their own limiting beliefs that are holding them back. They will blame those around them, or blame their circumstances, when in fact it’s probably got more to do with what they are thinking, which will then determine have they behave and react to situations. 

Over the years I have started to take on more risks and trying new things, but it hasn’t been easy for every new risk comes the self-doubt, the self-questioning “am I good enough? What if it goes wrong? I mean I have made mistakes in the past right? I’ve fucked up before? “

Our limiting beliefs are generalisations that we accept as truth without any positive proof or knowledge. Limiting beliefs can suffocate our personal potential, that’s why if I find myself struggling or procrastinating I will search for a limiting belief, and guest what?  I always find one or two that’s why #Havingawordwimesen helps me to figure out which one is trying to raise its ugly head…

  • I’m not good at this.
  • Others can do it better than me.
  • I’m not experienced enough.
  • I’m not smart enough.
  • I’m not important enough.
  • I’m too old.
  • I don’t have the time.
  • It’s too hard.
  • I don’t deserve success.
  • This is just “the way it is.”
  • I have no control over this.

Some of our beliefs have been groomed and nurtured from childhood into adulthood and can hold us back, but if we are aware of them, then at least we can do something about them, but this takes time and practice and the practice is worth it because our limiting beliefs can 

  • trick you into not trying.
  • stops you from taking risks.
  • keeps you where you are.
  • obstructs your growth.
  • keeps you repeating negative patterns.
  • prevents you from taking responsibility for your life.
  • prevents you from going after your dreams.
  • encourages procrastination.
  • gives you an excuse for not doing what you really want to do.
  • fills you with doubt and fear.
  • prompts you to find “evidence” to support it.
  • stops you from imagining the possibilities.
  • makes you feel negative and discontent.
  • prevents breakthroughs.

If you are doubting yourself or feeling down, ask yourself, what limiting beliefs are holding you back?

Remember, if you would like to subscribe to more post, please go to https://www.shithappens.me.uk/contact/ and sign up, If you liked the post please share, if you didn’t, then do nothing and that’s ok too, Love Fordy x

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Personal development is part of human nature- going back to basics

I love teaching and facilitating groups, I started out running workshops whilst working at Kickback a day rehabilitation program for people addicted to substances. I love seeing peoples faces when “the penny has dropped” when they might have recognised, lets say “a limiting belief” that they had carried around with them for neons, that has been suffocating their self esteem,  or when they start seeing themselves in a different light, being able to unravel and make sense of who they are and how they got to where they were at, exploring and trying/adopting new strategies that make sense to them, seeing them putting their new knowledge into practice and moving forward with their lives. PRICELESS

I ran the basic counseling courses at Sheffield college, where attendees had aspirations of being counselors but what they didn’t realise was that the very basics of learning to be a counsellor you must first understand yourself, what makes you tick? being mindful about your own thoughts, developing your own strategies for helping others is “essential” and quite often I see soooo many people in the caring field who put the needs of others before themselves. 

So I am excited to announce that I have been collaborating with my good friend Mick Holmes on designing some workshops. We are going back to basics, using some of our shared learning (personal and professional) over a combined 50+ years of working with others but more importantly working on ourselves and are going to be sharing it in our own unique, no nonsense, jargon free workshops.

As you get older, it is all too easy to get in a rut – with fixed viewpoints, stuck emotions, ways of being that others can see clearly but you just think are ‘right’ and continue to use your safe solutions.

All too often we perceive that our personal development has already ended by the time we reach adulthood. After all, we’ve ‘grown up’ and know enough to hold down a job and if we are fortunate we find our niche and as much as possible solve the problems of survival, then we stick with those solutions, GREAT! But thats not everyone!

Resisting new experiences, taking less interest in new things, or ignoring something new or uncomfortable will keep you locked in your comfort zone, and as you get older, your comfort zone gets smaller and smaller. But in a society forever changing, with so many expectations it can be hard to maintain and the danger is that you can find yourself isolated, left behind, feeling like you have nothing to give, nothing of value! Which is of course BULLSHIT! 

This is harmful because you not only stop doing things that scare you, but you also stop doing things that give you pleasure and the opportunity to find out new things about yourself. A natural trait of humans is to be constantly developing, growing and moving toward a balanced and mature way of being, but yet this is surpassed, ignored way too often. Who we are is determined by who and what we have been and by the person we strive to become. The goal of personal development is to learn and apply what we know about ourselves which will enables us get closer to that mysterious state commonly known as “enlightenment” or a level of “emotional wellbeing”,

Personal development is part of human nature, and yet it is ignored or dismissed as being just for “Hippies” or you are deemed as weak for showing or telling people how you are feeling. It doesnt matter what era or year your were born, It is in our nature to learn and grow, but we are held back by our culture, which is predominantly focused on survival needs, with each of us in competition with others, and our need learn about ourselves is repressed. 

I am for the first time in a long time, excited to have come to the decision to pursue what I love, this isn’t a new career, fuck that I love what I do, call it a hobby? but I have finally given myself permission to pursue something that I truly believe in, something that soothes my soul, helping people grow. 

So on that note, I had better get me ass into gear and get to work, after all the pleasures in life don’t come free! 

Remember, if you would like to subscribe to more post, please go to https://www.shithappens.me.uk/contact/ and sign up, If you liked the post please share, if you didn’t, then do nothing and that’s ok too, Love Fordy x

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Refreshing your Highway Code

There are three keywords to bear in mind when taking to the roads Mirror– Signal – Manoeuvre or MSM. But how often do we apply this in life?

Mirror

  • How do you use your mirrors frequently so that you always know what is behind and to each side of you – do you ever check?
  • Do you use your mirrors in good time before you signal or change direction or speed?
  • How do you make sure you are prepared for when you’re mirrors not being able to cover all areas 
  • Do you look for blind spots. Do you ever look round and check?
  • Are you prepared for other traffic, other road users?

Signal 

  • Should be applied to the direction you intend on taking, signals depend on what you see in your mirrors – do you do this?
  • Signalling too late may not provide other road users behind you with enough time to react, for example; if you are intending on slowing or stopping the car – how do you communicate this? 
  • Signalling too early can give the impression you are taking a turn sooner than the actual turn you intend

Manoeuvre 

  • The manoeuvre part of MSM can be many things from roundabouts, junctions, changing lanes or parking up.
  • You should always be prepared to alter your route depending on circumstances – do you have a back up plan?
  • If driving in an area with potential hazards, pedestrians or cyclists for example, you may need to check the mirrors and blind spot once again before committing to the manoeuvre. – do you ever do this? 
  • Are you prepared to alter your speed or destination even at the very last moment? 
  • Are you aware of Cyclists, pedestrians and other vehicles which can be unpredictable?

We have all experianced our own journey, for me i have

  • Felt like at times I was a passenger?
  • Had times, out of fear I preferred to walk to my destination? 
  • I had a particular destination in mind, but couldn’t seem to find it?
  • I found my destination and it wasn’t what I thought it would look like?
  • Some of my journeys have taken me down some down dead-end roads.
  • I have had to figure out or how many three-point turn’s, or twenty? Are required to turn my car around and start again? 
  • I have hit many roundabouts, going around and around not sure which exit to take? 
  • I’ve gone down streets only to find that they are one way?
  • I didn’t have a map or the resources to get me to my destination
  • I was once disqualified, unfit to drive (because of my mental health)

#Havingawordwimesen is as much about

Having a safe space to park up and explore my journey to date, reflect on the miles I have traveled, Explore, or share some of the missed turnings or wrong turnings, but more importantly – LEARN from them.

When was the last time you refreshed your Highway Code?

Remember, if you would like to subscribe to more post, please go to https://www.shithappens.me.uk/contact/ and sign up, If you liked the post please share, if you didn’t, then do nothing and that’s ok too, Love Fordy x

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Create your own Happy Ending

We are a society that wants to believe that every story has a “happily ever after” ending and certainly good always wins over evil. I hate to tell you folks but that’s just not the case. Sometimes the evil is very evil and more often tha not it goes unpunished… at least here on this earth. In my 49 years of existence I seem to be learning life lessons daily #ShitHappens

Today I woke up feeling ok, tired, but ok, before going to sleep last night I got me running kit out with the intention of taking me sad sorry ass out onto the streets, I did it, it felt good, but not amazing, just good. Since the dark days can tend to blur our vision it can be a daily struggle, so try to create and embrace the happy ones!

Working on yourself requires you to do something about it, it just doesn’t happen, you don’t wake up every morning feeling light, happy, ready a raring to go without putting in some effort in beforehand. Rewards come from making an effort, pushing yourself to do something out of your comfort zone, trying something new with the understanding and acceptance that it won’t magically change your life overnight! 

The daily challenge to stay positive, trying not to go into fuck it mode can be and IS hard graft and it’s real. But it’s not all bad, it’s not all doom and gloom, there are some steps and lessons that we can work on that can help us acquire our own “happy ever after” whatever that may look like for you, so whilst you are working out what your happy ever after looks like, here’s some tips/advice

Tip/Advice 1 – Protect your mental and emotional sanity above the desire to be a peacekeeper. If you have flown recently you are likely familiar with the pre-takeoff safety drill that instructs passengers that in the event of an emergency, place your own oxygen mask over your face before attempting to assist the person next to you. There is a reason for that my friend…. if your mental, emotional and spiritual self is not in a place of wholeness and health you will not be equipped to help someone else heal. Often when seeking closure with another party we are really seeking the ending that makes us feel better. We want everyone in agreement and we all go on to live happily ever after, but life doesn’t work like that?

 Tip/Advice 2 – The truth doesn’t matter to those that don’t care. If living a life of morality and truth is not a priority it goes without saying that when confronted with the truth it will have no impact. Sometimes the other party doesn’t want closure…. sometimes they are so narcissistic and self-consumed that they can’t see past themselves and their desire to be “right”. Sometimes people are so encompassed by evil that they find pleasure in the emotional torment of others. Those that want to be part of your life will find the time, they will bring value to your life and they will make you a stronger and better version of yourself. 

Tip/Advice 3 – Don’t settle for a life with people that cause you pain, insecurity or hurt. Life is hard but life is also a gift. If you study the small print you will see that life has an expiration date. Don’t waste your gift of time on people that wont fight for you in public and defend you in your absence. Don’t chase the people that haven’t chased you. Surround yourself with people that get you, understand you, but more importantly GET you. 

And finally Tip/Advice 4 – stay true to yourself, it’s ok not to be ok, it’s ok to have good days, and finally, it’s ok to be you.

Love Fordy xxx

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