We have all wondered or asked ourselves “There has got to be more to life than this?” this generally occurs following either negative or unhealthy period whether that be years of self-abuse, self-doubt, returning to unhealthy relationships, turning to substances or acting out on behaviors that push people away, whatever the reason, I would hazard a guess that you have been there too? You know like one day you can be having a great day then BAM some unexpected Shit happens which can leave us feeling lost, fed up or go into fuck it mode.
I have all run around being the fixer, trying to make everyone happy in an attempt to create some sense of happiness and satisfaction for myself but unfortunately, that instant gratification I get from making someone happy doesn’t last that long and soon fades. Thinking that by doing and giving my all to everyone else, in return for feeling valued, loved, wanted, accepted, quite frankly its just a form of denial in itself.
I believe we can either own our stories (even the messy ones), or we can stand outside of them—denying our vulnerabilities and imperfections, deleting the parts of us that don’t fit in with who/what we think we’re supposed to be, chasing other people’s approval of our worthiness. It is quite frankly fucking exhausting and can feel like its a never-ending performance.
But I can honestly say that giving myself some space and time, just an hour in the morning to download my shit in my diary, (which by the way currently contains over 106,00 words) is really helping me to be able to step back, de-construct, review, think about how that situation is making me feel, ask myself what “what can I do?” Be clear about “what I can’t do or change” but more importantly give myself a fucking break!
Any problem, issue or concern whatever it is will require some thinking, reasoning, testing your theories, but you have to make time for this to #Haveawordwiyasen. Reaching out to others can help (you don’t have to do it all alone) seeking out counselors, sponsors or support groups.
You will need to consider what steps you are going to need to take to fix the problem or issue? what action are you going to take? what resources or support will you need? Some people expect that once they have identified or diagnosed unhealthy behaviors that they will change overnight, which is an unrealistic expectation considering some of our behaviors have been manifesting and growing for years.
Working on yourself before anyone else requires you to be brave and vulnerable all at the same time, there can be darker periods of self-reflection that can create states of self-doubt. I always associate these periods as being akin to pregnancy and giving birth, as a mother you trust that all the pain and discomfort will all be worth it because you are creating something magical, creating a new life and new and happier more contented version of yourself.
A starting point can be asking yourself one or two what appear to be on the surface to be very simple questions… (But they are vital)
What do you want?
What don’t you want?
Talking through your answers with your support network can help you get through this, what can sometimes feel a dark, lonely and isolating period. But we have to remember that, that’s all it is! a period a moment in our life that will pass.
Do a gratitude list – I do this often, it helps remind me about all the things I am truly grateful for and blessed to have in my life, this can also help outweigh or fill the voids
What I am learning to value more and more about my Journey is
We all can take back some control
Shit wont change, unless you are willing to change
Even the smallest changes eventually will make a BIG difference
Dont be afraid to try something new, something different
Its ok to not be ok
Be kind to yourself, no fucker is perfect
Read more – there is a whole universe of words out there, reading can help you realise that you are not alone in your thoughts
Nurture your friendships and relationships with others, but remember the most important relationship that you will ever have is with yourself.
So on that note, i’m off to clean the downstairs of my house, cos it’s loppy and i aint going to clean itself
Love Fordy xxx