Practicing being true to myself

Practicing being true to myself has been extra hard this week, my heads been in a mess and truly up me arse. So much so, after being awake since 4 am unable to switch off, I stepped into the trusty trainers and took me sen for a morning run. I’m glad it’s Friday, christ I am ready for a break!

I came up with the ramble below, which helped me to really recognise, but more importantly, acknowledge just how I have been feeling. Pushing shit down or holding it within, only serves to make me feel worse. It’s all too easy to lose track of who we really are and lose ourselves in other people agendas. This week for me has been a stark reminder of the importance of retaining a sense of worth and being true to ourselves as much as we can.

 Letting it out

 Frustrated and lost 
 No energy to spare 
 I’m ready for a break
 Fuck it, I wish I didn’t care

 Seeing things differantly
 The games that people play 
 In a world of Bureaucracy
 I just want to run away

 I’m sick of the promises
 That never come 
 Playing the hero for one day
 Whilst the real heroes slave away
 
 Walking alongside tin men 
 Without any heart
 I need a toto
 A trustworthy friend 
 Who will walk by my side 
 And defend me till the end
 
 I don’t want to be the witch 
 Full of anger and rage 
 I need Dorothy's shoes
 I want to be whisked away
 
 I’m tired, I’m disheartened 
 Of the games people play
 Maybe its time to hang up me boots
 Time to walk away
 
 Time to take a step back
 Get myself back on track
 Walk away from the fight 
 And let them be
 I think Its time I focused 
 On just being me 

Thanks for listening, much love, Fordy

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#Havingawordwimesen isn’t​ just about dwelling on the past, it’s​ about re-writing it

Our brain is more powerful than we give it credit for and what we think consciously and unconsciously can have an impact on how we see ourselves, how we personal and how we feel about ourselves. I came across this quote recently and it got me thinking about my own limiting beliefs

Limiting behaviors originate from limiting beliefs. Our beliefs form the basis of our experiences and how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. When our beliefs are limited, we limit our perception and experience of what is possible. It doesn’t matter if those beliefs are false. As long as we believe them, they will accordingly impact and mold our perception of experience. The more limiting our beliefs, the less powerful we feel.”  Edward Morler.

I have tonnes of them, some I have overcome others, pop up from time to time, I tend to notice these more when I am putting things off or avoiding something.  I recently private messages people I knew from my linkedIn if they would be willing to provide me with a recommendation for my profile. I had been putting this off for ages, thinking it was a little narcissistic and a little self indulgent, plus I sometimes feel uncomfortable with positive feedback, but I know that this is only down to my limiting beliefs. People often say I reflect too much, I think they think I am living in the past, butting actual fact what I am doing is rewriting the limiting beliefs from my past to make me a better person, someone who cares not just about others, but also myself.

For example one of my limiting beliefs is “I’m not good enough” now this is a BIGGY for me and it’s one of those limiting beliefs that pops up more often than I care to admit.

After tentatively private messaging a few people I knew I took a leap of faith and asked if they would be willing to write something on my profile, I was touched with the responses, here are a few… 

Tracey, to use the jargon, is a completer/finisher with lots of ambition to make the world a better place. Every task she takes on, she does so with the determination and enthusiasm to make it the best of its kind. In the background is her experience of having been substance dependent, a carer for of people who were substance dependent and all the emotional and life struggles it involves. If skill, experience and hard work isn’t enough, Tracy also cares deeply for those caught up, in one way or another, in substance misuse.

Tracey is passionate, dedicated and believes the best in others even when the going gets tough. She’s also a champion for recovery, and having worked within the drug and alcohol misuse field for many years, Tracey remains a consistent advocate for inclusive and user-led service development.

Airnt they lovely and guess what? Because these have come from people I know well, because I trust them, I am more inclined to believe and learnt to accept what they see in me, they will help remind me and serve me well whenever old limiting beliefs rise to the surface, I have something to replace that shit negative limiting belief.

There are a lot of people who don’t even realise that it is their own limiting beliefs that are holding them back. They will blame those around them, or blame their circumstances, when in fact it’s probably got more to do with what they are thinking, which will then determine have they behave and react to situations. 

Over the years I have started to take on more risks and trying new things, but it hasn’t been easy for every new risk comes the self-doubt, the self-questioning “am I good enough? What if it goes wrong? I mean I have made mistakes in the past right? I’ve fucked up before? “

Our limiting beliefs are generalisations that we accept as truth without any positive proof or knowledge. Limiting beliefs can suffocate our personal potential, that’s why if I find myself struggling or procrastinating I will search for a limiting belief, and guest what?  I always find one or two that’s why #Havingawordwimesen helps me to figure out which one is trying to raise its ugly head…

  • I’m not good at this.
  • Others can do it better than me.
  • I’m not experienced enough.
  • I’m not smart enough.
  • I’m not important enough.
  • I’m too old.
  • I don’t have the time.
  • It’s too hard.
  • I don’t deserve success.
  • This is just “the way it is.”
  • I have no control over this.

Some of our beliefs have been groomed and nurtured from childhood into adulthood and can hold us back, but if we are aware of them, then at least we can do something about them, but this takes time and practice and the practice is worth it because our limiting beliefs can 

  • trick you into not trying.
  • stops you from taking risks.
  • keeps you where you are.
  • obstructs your growth.
  • keeps you repeating negative patterns.
  • prevents you from taking responsibility for your life.
  • prevents you from going after your dreams.
  • encourages procrastination.
  • gives you an excuse for not doing what you really want to do.
  • fills you with doubt and fear.
  • prompts you to find “evidence” to support it.
  • stops you from imagining the possibilities.
  • makes you feel negative and discontent.
  • prevents breakthroughs.

If you are doubting yourself or feeling down, ask yourself, what limiting beliefs are holding you back?

Remember, if you would like to subscribe to more post, please go to https://www.shithappens.me.uk/contact/ and sign up, If you liked the post please share, if you didn’t, then do nothing and that’s ok too, Love Fordy x

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Personal development is part of human nature- going back to basics

I love teaching and facilitating groups, I started out running workshops whilst working at Kickback a day rehabilitation program for people addicted to substances. I love seeing peoples faces when “the penny has dropped” when they might have recognised, lets say “a limiting belief” that they had carried around with them for neons, that has been suffocating their self esteem,  or when they start seeing themselves in a different light, being able to unravel and make sense of who they are and how they got to where they were at, exploring and trying/adopting new strategies that make sense to them, seeing them putting their new knowledge into practice and moving forward with their lives. PRICELESS

I ran the basic counseling courses at Sheffield college, where attendees had aspirations of being counselors but what they didn’t realise was that the very basics of learning to be a counsellor you must first understand yourself, what makes you tick? being mindful about your own thoughts, developing your own strategies for helping others is “essential” and quite often I see soooo many people in the caring field who put the needs of others before themselves. 

So I am excited to announce that I have been collaborating with my good friend Mick Holmes on designing some workshops. We are going back to basics, using some of our shared learning (personal and professional) over a combined 50+ years of working with others but more importantly working on ourselves and are going to be sharing it in our own unique, no nonsense, jargon free workshops.

As you get older, it is all too easy to get in a rut – with fixed viewpoints, stuck emotions, ways of being that others can see clearly but you just think are ‘right’ and continue to use your safe solutions.

All too often we perceive that our personal development has already ended by the time we reach adulthood. After all, we’ve ‘grown up’ and know enough to hold down a job and if we are fortunate we find our niche and as much as possible solve the problems of survival, then we stick with those solutions, GREAT! But thats not everyone!

Resisting new experiences, taking less interest in new things, or ignoring something new or uncomfortable will keep you locked in your comfort zone, and as you get older, your comfort zone gets smaller and smaller. But in a society forever changing, with so many expectations it can be hard to maintain and the danger is that you can find yourself isolated, left behind, feeling like you have nothing to give, nothing of value! Which is of course BULLSHIT! 

This is harmful because you not only stop doing things that scare you, but you also stop doing things that give you pleasure and the opportunity to find out new things about yourself. A natural trait of humans is to be constantly developing, growing and moving toward a balanced and mature way of being, but yet this is surpassed, ignored way too often. Who we are is determined by who and what we have been and by the person we strive to become. The goal of personal development is to learn and apply what we know about ourselves which will enables us get closer to that mysterious state commonly known as “enlightenment” or a level of “emotional wellbeing”,

Personal development is part of human nature, and yet it is ignored or dismissed as being just for “Hippies” or you are deemed as weak for showing or telling people how you are feeling. It doesnt matter what era or year your were born, It is in our nature to learn and grow, but we are held back by our culture, which is predominantly focused on survival needs, with each of us in competition with others, and our need learn about ourselves is repressed. 

I am for the first time in a long time, excited to have come to the decision to pursue what I love, this isn’t a new career, fuck that I love what I do, call it a hobby? but I have finally given myself permission to pursue something that I truly believe in, something that soothes my soul, helping people grow. 

So on that note, I had better get me ass into gear and get to work, after all the pleasures in life don’t come free! 

Remember, if you would like to subscribe to more post, please go to https://www.shithappens.me.uk/contact/ and sign up, If you liked the post please share, if you didn’t, then do nothing and that’s ok too, Love Fordy x

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Refreshing your Highway Code

There are three keywords to bear in mind when taking to the roads Mirror– Signal – Manoeuvre or MSM. But how often do we apply this in life?

Mirror

  • How do you use your mirrors frequently so that you always know what is behind and to each side of you – do you ever check?
  • Do you use your mirrors in good time before you signal or change direction or speed?
  • How do you make sure you are prepared for when you’re mirrors not being able to cover all areas 
  • Do you look for blind spots. Do you ever look round and check?
  • Are you prepared for other traffic, other road users?

Signal 

  • Should be applied to the direction you intend on taking, signals depend on what you see in your mirrors – do you do this?
  • Signalling too late may not provide other road users behind you with enough time to react, for example; if you are intending on slowing or stopping the car – how do you communicate this? 
  • Signalling too early can give the impression you are taking a turn sooner than the actual turn you intend

Manoeuvre 

  • The manoeuvre part of MSM can be many things from roundabouts, junctions, changing lanes or parking up.
  • You should always be prepared to alter your route depending on circumstances – do you have a back up plan?
  • If driving in an area with potential hazards, pedestrians or cyclists for example, you may need to check the mirrors and blind spot once again before committing to the manoeuvre. – do you ever do this? 
  • Are you prepared to alter your speed or destination even at the very last moment? 
  • Are you aware of Cyclists, pedestrians and other vehicles which can be unpredictable?

We have all experianced our own journey, for me i have

  • Felt like at times I was a passenger?
  • Had times, out of fear I preferred to walk to my destination? 
  • I had a particular destination in mind, but couldn’t seem to find it?
  • I found my destination and it wasn’t what I thought it would look like?
  • Some of my journeys have taken me down some down dead-end roads.
  • I have had to figure out or how many three-point turn’s, or twenty? Are required to turn my car around and start again? 
  • I have hit many roundabouts, going around and around not sure which exit to take? 
  • I’ve gone down streets only to find that they are one way?
  • I didn’t have a map or the resources to get me to my destination
  • I was once disqualified, unfit to drive (because of my mental health)

#Havingawordwimesen is as much about

Having a safe space to park up and explore my journey to date, reflect on the miles I have traveled, Explore, or share some of the missed turnings or wrong turnings, but more importantly – LEARN from them.

When was the last time you refreshed your Highway Code?

Remember, if you would like to subscribe to more post, please go to https://www.shithappens.me.uk/contact/ and sign up, If you liked the post please share, if you didn’t, then do nothing and that’s ok too, Love Fordy x

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Create your own Happy Ending

We are a society that wants to believe that every story has a “happily ever after” ending and certainly good always wins over evil. I hate to tell you folks but that’s just not the case. Sometimes the evil is very evil and more often tha not it goes unpunished… at least here on this earth. In my 49 years of existence I seem to be learning life lessons daily #ShitHappens

Today I woke up feeling ok, tired, but ok, before going to sleep last night I got me running kit out with the intention of taking me sad sorry ass out onto the streets, I did it, it felt good, but not amazing, just good. Since the dark days can tend to blur our vision it can be a daily struggle, so try to create and embrace the happy ones!

Working on yourself requires you to do something about it, it just doesn’t happen, you don’t wake up every morning feeling light, happy, ready a raring to go without putting in some effort in beforehand. Rewards come from making an effort, pushing yourself to do something out of your comfort zone, trying something new with the understanding and acceptance that it won’t magically change your life overnight! 

The daily challenge to stay positive, trying not to go into fuck it mode can be and IS hard graft and it’s real. But it’s not all bad, it’s not all doom and gloom, there are some steps and lessons that we can work on that can help us acquire our own “happy ever after” whatever that may look like for you, so whilst you are working out what your happy ever after looks like, here’s some tips/advice

Tip/Advice 1 – Protect your mental and emotional sanity above the desire to be a peacekeeper. If you have flown recently you are likely familiar with the pre-takeoff safety drill that instructs passengers that in the event of an emergency, place your own oxygen mask over your face before attempting to assist the person next to you. There is a reason for that my friend…. if your mental, emotional and spiritual self is not in a place of wholeness and health you will not be equipped to help someone else heal. Often when seeking closure with another party we are really seeking the ending that makes us feel better. We want everyone in agreement and we all go on to live happily ever after, but life doesn’t work like that?

 Tip/Advice 2 – The truth doesn’t matter to those that don’t care. If living a life of morality and truth is not a priority it goes without saying that when confronted with the truth it will have no impact. Sometimes the other party doesn’t want closure…. sometimes they are so narcissistic and self-consumed that they can’t see past themselves and their desire to be “right”. Sometimes people are so encompassed by evil that they find pleasure in the emotional torment of others. Those that want to be part of your life will find the time, they will bring value to your life and they will make you a stronger and better version of yourself. 

Tip/Advice 3 – Don’t settle for a life with people that cause you pain, insecurity or hurt. Life is hard but life is also a gift. If you study the small print you will see that life has an expiration date. Don’t waste your gift of time on people that wont fight for you in public and defend you in your absence. Don’t chase the people that haven’t chased you. Surround yourself with people that get you, understand you, but more importantly GET you. 

And finally Tip/Advice 4 – stay true to yourself, it’s ok not to be ok, it’s ok to have good days, and finally, it’s ok to be you.

Love Fordy xxx

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Understanding Personal resilience is something we can all benefit from so we ‘bounce rather than break’ under the pressures, hassles, there are always opportunities for growth we just need time to update our own software from time to time

I don’t know about you, but I always get pissed off when I get a reminder of my phone or computer that some software needs updating, it’s intended to protect our equipment from make it resiliant to the latest virus or whatever. After a few reminders, I will succumb and let whatever the device needs do what it needs to do then carry on using it. Sometimes the setting’s or features might change, I don’t like it, but I soon get used to it and carry on as before.

So it got me thinking “we are in an age where we need our electronic software updating, but how often do we update our own?” what about our internal resilience? I mean we all have it, but how much time do we dedicate to updating, refreshing or updating it? continually taking ourselves for granted?

It is impossible to notice, experience, or observe everything, we unconsciously put our experiences and observations through a lens of relevance that is shaped by our personal needs. From these relevant experiences and observations, we make assumptions, and from those assumptions, we draw conclusions. From conclusions, we form our belief, but how often do we refresh or update ourselves?

Resilience – we all have it, but what does it look like? If you are anything like me, you have survived and come through some pretty shit situations. Situations that at the time might have left you feeling like your world has been ripped apart. The loss of a loved one, betrayal, addiction, abuse? The list goes on…  

Guess what? If you are reading this, “you survived?” But how did you do it? What was it that got you through those tough times? 

You have the ones like myself, who went from one crisis to another, to the point where I literally lost my sanity, where I was lost in an abyss, a place I would describe as being my worst nightmare, but guess what? I survived! I have written about resilience in a lot in my previous post of my post

Everyones definition of resilience is different, we all have it, we all possess resilience often we don’t recognise just how resilient we are, until like an elastic band, which starts out with an abundance of elasticity but has been played with, toyed with stretched, maybe used for a time to bind something in place, but sometimes it has been stretched so much to the point that there is no elasticity left resulting in us snapping, making unwise decisions, some which can have a lifetime of consequences. We all bare our own personal scars, which are a reminders of a time we have been stretched too far, sometimes the evidence of being stretched too far are still there to see, some visible to the naked eye others are not but can been seen in how we, act, react, how we deal with life, our actions. 

But just because the elastic band has snapped doesn’t mean it no longer serves a purpose! “how many times has the SHIT HIT THE PAN and you’ve snapped your elastic band in two, you have used all your bands up, had nothing left to use, so being resourceful you decide tie a knot into the band and start again?”– fuck me my band has about 5 knots biding it all together. 

There are people in life who go from one crisis to another, (we all know one or more people like this) making the same mistakes again and again, but guess what? they are still here they are still surviving, they are still coping, albeit not in the way you or might, but they are in their own way. 

But I don’t want to be in the latter group, in a world and society of so many pressures and mixed messages being able to understand resilience, what helps build a strengthen not just my own, but for others too.

I have been entertaining the idea of setting up a group or designing a training program to help others, to help them work out what resilience means to them, how to recognise just how resilient they are even when they think or feel that they are a failure. To explore their life’s journey to date, to realise just how much elasticity they possess and how even if they snap they can reuse and strengthen their own personal elasticity/resilience. A workshop which enables participants to “Update their Software” Afterall our old thoughts, feelings and behaviours often need updating, much like we would update the software on our computers!

Understanding Personal resilience is something we can all benefit from so we ‘bounce rather than break’ under the pressures, hassles and opportunities for growth (ie more pressures and hassles) of life. 

I am collaborating with Mick Holmes one of my oldest and wisest friends and trusted colleagues to design a workshop for people to help understand what resiliance means to them, how they can build on their own resiliance – so watch this space

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Finding the right balance​, is a balancing act in itself

Its been nearly 3 weeks since my last blog and that’s ok, to be honest, I haven’t had the desire nor time to translate my daily journal into something to share, mainly out of feeling like I had nothing to say? It feels sometimes having a break isnt worth the emotional or practical hassle?

Being in a position where I am fortunate to be able to fund a two-week break away sounds idyllic doesn’t it? But the weeks in the run-up to going away was filled with lots of forward planning, additional stress trying to preempt any issues that might arise in my absence, ensuring that someone else could assist. Prepping for meetings that were scheduled in my diary the first week of my return all in an attempt to reduce any return to work anxieties. I do this so that I can enjoy my break, in the knowledge that whilst I am away everything will be ok.

The first week away always feels weird, I mean ya knackered before ya go away with all the preparation beforehand. So switching from being in a reactive state of mind to not having to think about the day to day stuff takes time. I took my notebook, Kindle, and music with me everywhere, I did loads of writing, reading and listening to music that soothes my soul. I ate out, caught up with the old man, drank nice wine. I do find that it takes me a good week to really start to relax, by the middle of the second week the thought of becoming a hobo, beach bum seems appealing, but then towards the end of the holiday, reality starts to kick in. And whilst I might romance the idea or contemplate the benefits of being a hobo, in reality, I know that I could never settle for that, I reason with myself that, it is what it is, times up, it back to reality. Back to work, back to doing what I love, getting paid to do what I love, which also pays for the breaks, I will return to work, refreshed, tanned energised and ready for anything…

Wrong…

I am not ready for hearing that a funding bid I applied for had been declined, I am not ready for all the 400+ emails that I need to wade through before I can even consider, thinking about the meeting later that day, I am not ready for the same bullshit, the same organizational narrative, same shit different day! I’m not ready for politics, I’m not ready for the self-imposed expectations, I’m just not ready, so much so I complained to my manager that people who have gone on annual leave, ought to be entitled to a phased return to work, (she laughed, but i wasn’t joking) baby steps, reduced hours to help you build your bullshit resilience back up again, to help ease you back into the work rat race! Its a reet culture shock I mean for two weeks I have been able to forget about mundane shit, be around myself without interruption from others, drink alcohol without worrying about how I might perform the following day, eat what i want, without worrying about the weight gain (after all im on holiday) or walk about the beach with all me wobbly bits hanging out, without worrying about what anyone thinks, because i dont know them and because i dont give a fuck so basically, pretend that for two weeks, life is perfect.

It is my second week back into work, back to reality and getting the balance is fucking hard three days in and I could have quite simply at 4 o’clock laid out on the office floor and slept, my energy levels felt sapped, I had little or no tolerance for being around people, I want to just go home and lock myself in my room for a while longer, I want to continue to eat whatever I want without giving a fuck about the consequences, I want to get back to who and where I was before I switched off and went away.

I do wonder though, if I will ever get that work life balance ever right?

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Reflections – nearly one year on

It is my 49th Birthday today, I have got holiday coming up soon, but got plenty still to do. I am sooo looking forward to being able to switch off for two whole weeks, but this year will be different, because i am different, my outlook on life is different.

It’s nearly a year since I came back off me hols, invested in this computer and started to write. This time last year I was completely stressed, worrying about work, worrying if I had forgotten to do something before I posted my out of office on.

The initial drive for writing was to complete the book, this time last year I was reflecting on the fact that i was coming up to 50 and still hadn’t completed writing the book “Blood is thicker than Alcohol”,. I felt whole and empty all the same time, something was missing from my life and i couldn’t figure it out.

I took the advice from a dear friend Mick Holmes and went out to purchase a desk, computer and started to write, not really knowing where it was taking me, but i just wrote. I took advice from other writers who tell you “to write, write anything every day” it improves your confidence with writing, but for me it has given back so much more, far much more than i could have ever imagined.

For almost a year I get up 1st thing in a morning and write (or should I say ramble) but an unexpected result of doing this has been that I have discovered a better version of me, an understanding how I tick, I have learned so much about myself, making the time for me, saving some of my precious time back for me.

I have read many books, learned that I am more creative than I ever knew, I feel calmer, I don’t tend to let things get to me as much, I am able to let so many issues go… I have been brave enough to share my thoughts and journey on my own website, (fuck me the fact that i actually own my own website domain is insane) I have pursued training that I have wanted to do for eons. Friends, the family now know that writing is a big part of my life now, I can openly share how much I enjoy it, even in the midst of others skepticism, I have steamed on.

I have learned to tame my drinking habits, I am much more mindful. However I am not perfect, I will have a shandy now and then and the odd bottle of wine on a weekend and whilst I can moderate my eating during the week,  I still succumb to the weekend blow out, knowing all too well that I will feel bloated, and sick for a couple of days after. But I still do it. I still doubt myself (not as much) the self-doubt is always there, I still have FAT days, I still have days when I see a pic of myself and cringe (the camera doesn’t lie) because of what I see, the real me, the aged Tracey, the physical evidence of older age, the wrinkles, the flabby arms, the turtle neck, the kangaroo pouch, somedays I accept me as i am and other days I’m not so accepting. 

There are some days, I don’t write, because I feel like I don’t have anything to say or I prioritize work or home life, but I always come back to the writing, I am going away in two days and feel torn, do I take my laptop? Do I take the risk of it being stolen or covered in sand, I do I just treat myself to a holiday note book and write when the urge takes me? I think it will be the latter!

There have been some shitty personal challenges through out the year such as unexpected death, injustices, crisis’s that have brought on emotional distress, but I am learning to cope with it much better, because I have realised that no ones life is perfect, including my own life #Shithappens to good people and nice stuff happens to #shitpeople, or should I say less deserving people. There is injustice all around us, but there are also some amazing stuff too, that’s often missed or taken for granted. Like friendships, connecting with people, seeing beyond the person who presents themselves differently from others, the rewards from being kind and compassionate, from being able to let things go sooner, rather than later, holding onto shit I cannot change and embracing the things I can change, like myself. Learning to save, keep back a little of that compassion the I have for others, for myself. Learning to be kinder to myself ignoring the negative dialog that can plague my inner self. One of the biggest lessons I have learned is not to be ashamed of not being perfect, not to be ashamed of getting shit wrong, not to be ashamed of being me, 

The way I now see it is that we get one shot of life, and that’s a fact! I don’t want to be on my death bed full of regrets, I want to know that I lived life to the fullest, I want to be able to look back on my life and say “I did my best” not just for myself, but for others around me. 

Life can be taken for granted, It is so easy just to go with the flow of life, without never actually taking any of it in, we can get carried away with ourselves and others that we risk missing out on so much. 

So my birthday present this year is to me, is ME

 Reflections - A year on 
 
 The same person 
 A different view 
 Learning about myself 
 The things I never knew 
 
 A new optimism for life
 Learning to let go of the strife
 Putting myself first
 Recognising my own worth 

 Taking new risk’s
 Venturing into the unknown 
 Accepting the challenges
 Yet to unfold 

 I don’t know the future 
 I don’t have a crystal ball
 But I do know this
 We get one crack at life
 And i'm giving it my all

 Learning not to give up
 The positives are still there 
 Opening my heart
 Learniing, Its ok to care
 
 Learning its ok to be me
 Be brave 
 Be true
 Trusting myself
 Thats all i can do

 Fordy 29.05.2019 
 
 

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Still looking for the good in a haze of shit

I cannot watch the news
 
  The headlines 
 They get me down
 Every where you look
 Every reason to frown

 Who will they choose?
 Johnson or hunt 
 Does it matter?
 They are both **nts

 Begging on the street
 Queuing at food banks to eat
 Blaming each other 
 For our poverty and despair 
 Going around in circles fucking going no where
 
 Never positive 
 No! That don’t sell news
 Is it any wonder people turn to use
 Reach for the bottle or the syringe 
 To block it all out 
 To take away the cringe
 
 I’m sick of listening to nobodies 
 Arguing about who’s to blame
 No government in my lifetime 
 Will be able to tame societies shame
 
 I’m sick of the negative 
 It could get me down
 But I won’t be drawn in
 When there’s so much positive around
 
 I might not have a say
 But I can make a difference 
 In my own way 
 To the guy on the street
 The ones who got nowt to eat
 
 We can make a difference 
 We can stop have a word
 We can listen 
 We can let them be heard 

 Change is inevitable
 Just go with the flow
 There’s still much to do
 We can all make a difference 
 But it starts with YOU
 
 Before you can help others
 You must take care of yourself 
 Look out for the good
 Let go of the bad 
 Trust me, holding onto it will just make you sad
 
 Be kind
 Don’t be cruel
 Does it matter who rules
 Look after loved ones and those that count 
 Our work is not done yet
 Theres still too much to do
 I can live with myself 
 The question is
 “Can you?”
 
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What the fuck does normal actually mean?

Normal what the fuck does normal actually mean? I googled it, this is what I got …

Something that is normal is usual and ordinary, and is what people expect. (Collins Dictionary)

Conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected. (Oxford Dictionary)

So my question is if normal is about, being ordinary and conforming then who sets the standards? If social norms are formed by expectations, who decides what the standards are? Who says what’s normal and what’s not? Who dictates the rules? Who decides what the social norms should be? I mean everyones definition of normal is different, so who gets to decide what normal is right or wrong?

I mean let’s face it there are millions, billions, trillions of different definitions of “normal” that are based on expectations formed by someone in society different cultures, So how the fuck do you decide or work out what’s normal for you? For example 

In some parts of society it is perfectly normal to inject your face with botox (which by the way is a fucking poison, which taken in high doses can be deadly) just to make you look and feel better, but yet it’s not normal to inject yourself with heroin to make you feel better? 

It’s normal to sleep in a tent, if you are on your holidays, but it’s not normal to live on one on the street?

Its normal for people to go out on a weekend, go into a pub purchase a drink, drink allow yourself to be under the influence, but its not normal to be stood on a street corner getting high off what ever you can get your hands on?

It’s normal for you to be dictated to your peers or your elders, but it’s not normal to speak out or against them?

I mean who makes up all the fucking rules? I look back on my life and none of it has been normal, despite trying to be “normal” (whatever that fucking is?) I done the having a go at being a “normal kid” I have had a go at doing a “normal job” I have had a go at being a “Normal partner” and I have come to the conclusion that I am far from normal, I don’t want to be “normal” I much prefer being abnormal and unique any day. 

And that for many is the scary part because there is always the fear that if you break away or resist the social norm will and can put you at risk of being ostracised or being treated differently. 

I want to  and get to decide and chose what my “normal” is nobody else can tell me how to think, feel or behave, because what I have learned from life to date is that when I have listened and gone down the “normal route” it has left me feeling dissatisfied, incomplete, trying to be or do something that I don’t want to be or do. Being someone I am not! 

Society doesn’t get to dictate my normality, I DO! If I chose to conform to a social norm then I will! If I don’t then I won’t? Simple!

All of us are trying to work out what’s our normal, but we cannot decide on what’s normal for us based on someone else’s expectations, the expectations have to come from us! Someone else cannot set our standards, we have to set them ourselves. 

My definition of normal is being happy and content, I accept that I will never be totally normal and I’m ok with that, because no fucker is…

I write for me 
Nobody else
It eases my mind
And my mental health

You might not understand 
And that’s ok 
You can read it 
Or you can walk away 

I write for myself 
Nobody else 
A chance to off load 
So I don’t implode

It may not be perfect
And that’s ok too
It works for me
Its not all about you
 
I write for myself 
Nobody else 
It calms my mind
Helps me to unwind
 
It might not make sense 
And that’s ok 
It helps me, come to terms 
And understand the person I am today
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